Testimony

When You’re “Too Much” for the Church: A Misfit, a Creep, a Weirdo, But Just Right for Jesus

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When I got born again in 2002, it was full steam ahead for me, face like flint, hands to the plow no looking back with Jesus. I was all in with the Lord. I didn’t care what people thought about me. I just wanted as much of Him that He’d allow me to have. I was so hungry for the things of God.

I got saved, water baptized, and filled with the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues within a few months of each other. Do NOT mishear my heart: I am not boasting in myself but the Lord whose Word is true, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled,” (Matthew 5:6). That’s exactly what happened. It’s as simple as that and for every believer who hungers after Him.

Jesus was like: Most assuredly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you have no life in you,” (John 6:53).

I was like: “Since, You’re buying, well already paid for “lunch”, let’s go!” And I skipped off hand-in-hand with Jesus on our peculiar journey together of various terrains – valleys, mountains, and such.

Well, in the early years of my walk with Him, it seemed like He tested my declaration of utter devotion to Him. Ha Ha Ha, Lord!

This. Is. Hilarious

A few months before the Passion of the Christ movie came out, they showed the trailer at the church I was attending. Moments into it when they showed a portion of the crucifixion scene, the Spirit of God fell on me HARD.

I began to travail by the Spirit with guttural weeping and groanings from deep within my soul and spirit. Uncontrollably. And not at all quietly. Like all poured out completely weeping. There was even a guest speaker that day, and the church was full. At least 150-200 people. I do remember the guest speaker saying, “Praise God,” to my weeping because he must have recognized the familiar sounds of the travails of the Spirit, but that fellow “weirdo” never returned so.

I’d said to the Lord many times before that I was a living sacrifice unto Him, and I meant it and still do. Well, He poured it on thick that day.

I’m not saying be disruptive, rush the stage, and dance in the Spirit while the pastor is preaching. I mean: Be led by the Spirit who is peace not chaos. And the Spirit weeping through me at the remembrance of the Son of God being crucified so graphically was a time to He wanted to weep and did so through willing and given over to Him me.

I never made many friends at that church by the way. Just one other “creep” they also looked down upon – a mighty woman of God who laid hands on me in her home that God used to fill me with the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues. The first words of my prayer language simply – La. La. La. La. La.

I find the Lord and His ways so wonderfully peculiar, fascinating, and humbling at the same time. And I still don’t have many friends because I’m unwilling to quench the Spirit nor walk away from the narrow path. But that’s, okay, Jesus. You’re worth it.

When the church shuns someone for simply being fully surrendered, not perfect, surrendered, it’s not that they are “too much” or “too radical”. It is that Jesus and the ways of the Spirit are too much and too radical for the shunners. It’s Him they reject or pull away from. Not the surrendered, peculiar ones.

Honestly, I don’t fit so well in most churches because I don’t know how to do this walk without fearlessly giving myself over to the Spirit to have His way through me. For example, the Spirit loves to dance, so He dances through me. I will not stop Him for man’s sake. I don’t care what they think. But many care. They care how it makes their institution appear. “Oh, no! It might scare away the members.” They fear man more than God. That’s on them, but I refuse to allow them to stifle the Spirit in me or the ways of God.

Writing this made me think of that 90s song, Creep, by Radiohead. Parts of it resonate with me and my walk with the Lord. I changed the pronouns of the original song to make it work for this post and adlibbed the rest.

You’re a creep.

You’re a weirdo.

What the hell are you doing here?

You don’t belong here.

…….

You may think I’m a creep.

You may think I’m a weirdo.

What am I doing here?

I belong to Jesus.

[Paraphrased and additional lyrics adlibbed/added by me to the song, Creep, by Radiohead]

Don’t worry if you don’t seem to fit in with the majority of Christians. The Word says, “Narrow is the path that leads to life, and few there be that find it.”

I’m sorry if you’ve suffered from church hurts and were mistreated by those who are called to love you. You’re not alone, You are His, and nothing can separate you from His love. Be sure to forgive them and give the situation over to the Lord. Unforgiveness is not worth it. And it’s disobedience to the Lord. Blessed are you when you are hated for His namesake. He will make a way to bless you for what you went through.

Perhaps it’s not such a bad thing not to fit in with the crowd after all. Jesus didn’t.

Faith, Testimonies

The POWERFUL weapons you need right now: Testimonies of God’s faithfulness – Part 2

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“And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony,” (Revelations 12:11).

The Lord led me to share my powerful testimony, When God is answering your prayers but things look dead (maybe even frightening): The State of America and a powerful, personal testimony on January 19, 2021, the day before the faux-nauguration which installed a fake-u-dent.

After that, I kept commenting to the Lord about how after all these years of not speaking much about what I went through (because it was traumatizing) how He graced me to share my testimony now – approximately 13 years later. How He’s been using my own testimony to minister to me powerfully about what happened with the elections, the injustice against President Trump, and evil appearing as if it’s won when they swore in false ones.

Then on January 27, 2021, I read this on Mario Murillo’s blog from the post called, REMEMBER THE MAJESTY OF GOD AND FIGHT:

“That is the reason the Left has tried to destroy our history, because it chronicles the impossible miracles God performed in American history. Our history is a weapon we must protect!

You have that weapon, too! The weapon of remembering the times God did the impossible for you. David killed Goliath with two weapons. The second one was the sling. The first one was his memory of God’s intervention. He explained his confidence to Saul, “Your servant has killed both lion and bear; and this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, seeing he has defied the armies of the living God” (1 Samuel 17:36).”

The Lord confirmed to me that He was using my testimony as a weapon to believe God for the impossible for America, President Trump, and the defeat of our enemies by His hand. That He had given me prophecies from His Word in 2002 that didn’t begin to come to pass until 2005. And weren’t officially “sealed until” 2008. Three to five years for the answer to progressively come to pass. LOTS of walking by faith and not by sight, not by what looked dead or impossible.

This is why we must walk by faith and not by sight when it comes to the Word and promises of God. His Word instructs us that it is nothing new for a promise to look dead before it comes to pass.

For approximately three years, the verses He gave me to pray prophetically as promises (Ps. 37, 18, etc.) over my situation, expecting Him to answer looked TOTALLY and UTTERLY dead during that time. In other words: Impossible for man. Only possible with God, the One who is named Resurrection and Life.

You have these weapons too! Your testimonies of God doing the impossible for you like He’s done for me many times.

Remember your past deliverances and victories from the Lord and use them as weapons against the enemy. Against what is seen. Against what looks impossible.

Continue to stand on His Word and/or tested prophetic word He’s given you until they come to pass. Consider NOT the deadness of any situation up against the Word of the Lord. All glory to the Lord!

Sorry for the delay in getting Part 2 out. It got buried in my draft folder.

Did the prophets get it wrong about President Trump’s reelection? Heaven’s perspective – Part 1

Testimony

Odds against you? The Lord says, “My Child, what odds?”: A Powerful Testimony

“If God is for us, who can be against us?,” (Romans 8:31).

Are you in a situation where the odds are stacked against you? Recently, I sure was. But God!

Let me tell you about it, so I may glorify the name of the Lord my God who causes mountains to melt like wax with His very presence [Psalm 97:5].

For over a year I had been dealing with a secular organization (SO) regarding a case that would greatly affect me and my son financially. Not a lawsuit or anything related to the law.

The odds and requirements were stacked against me. I dealt with a rep at this SO who’d repeatedly say, “I just need you to provide X.” No ifs, ands, or butts. Or I wouldn’t “win the case.”

Over the course of this past year, I did my part. Pursued multiple avenues where I might be able to provide the SO with the required documentation, and none of them would take my case.

During the entire year, I took my case to the Lord, the Real Judge, and said,

“Father, You see. You know what is right and just in this situation. You know it would be wrong for finances to be stolen from me and my son from this SO. My words and case are true, Lord, but there’s no way for me to prove it. But You see. You know, Lord. You handle it for me. There’s nothing more I can do. I cast my cares upon You for You care for me and my son.”

They kept asking for the same information, and I kept telling them I couldn’t provide it. Of course I kept praying.

Last month, the heat got turned up, and I was about to have a major financial impact because of the SO situation.

I told the Lord, “Father, this is too much for me. I’m looking for a job and work to provide for me and my son. I don’t have time to deal with these people any more. It’s unfair of what they require when I can’t provide it. You know that, Lord, You see it. I cast my cares upon You. For You care for me. You care for my son. Your Word says You provide for the widow and the fatherless.”

In my last letter to them a few weeks ago, I finally said to the SO, “There’s no way I’m ever going to meet this requirement or be able to provide the information. There’s nothing more I can do. I’m exhausted. So, I’m just going to cast my cares on the Lord, for He cares for me and my son.”

MASSIVE Praise!

Yesterday, I received a letter from the SO that stated I won the case with no explanation as to why. I’d never provided the “required proof” they repeatedly asked for that would make me qualified.

Why? “Because if God be for you, who can be against you?”

Glory to my God and King who is worthy to be praised and receive all blessing and power and honor forever.

O Mighty God, mountains surely melt like wax in Your presence. You are the Way-Maker. Water from the rocks Bringer. Parter of seas. Deliverer. Provider. You go before us and make every crooked place smooth. Who takes care of us as we cast our cares upon You. A just God. A Great and Gracious Father! How I praise You! I love You, Lord my God. There’s none like You, O Lord.

“So Jesus said to them, “Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you,” (Matthew 17:20).

Child of God, cast your cares upon the Lord, and “Only believe! (Mark 5:36).

The Lord says, “My child, what odds?” God’s Word trumps what is seen.

Hallelujah to the Lamb of God! No figuring it all out. Simply trust Him like a little child (Matthew 18:1-4).