When You’re “Too Much” for the Church: A Misfit, a Creep, a Weirdo, But Just Right for Jesus

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When I got born again in 2002, it was full steam ahead for me, face like flint, hands to the plow no looking back with Jesus. I was all in with the Lord. I didn’t care what people thought about me. I just wanted as much of Him that He’d allow me to have. I was so hungry for the things of God.

I got saved, water baptized, and filled with the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues within a few months of each other. Do NOT mishear my heart: I am not boasting in myself but the Lord whose Word is true, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled,” (Matthew 5:6). That’s exactly what happened. It’s as simple as that and for every believer who hungers after Him.

Jesus was like: Most assuredly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you have no life in you,” (John 6:53).

I was like: “Since, You’re buying, well already paid for “lunch”, let’s go!” And I skipped off hand-in-hand with Jesus on our peculiar journey together of various terrains – valleys, mountains, and such.

Well, in the early years of my walk with Him, it seemed like He tested my declaration of utter devotion to Him. Ha Ha Ha, Lord!

This. Is. Hilarious

A few months before the Passion of the Christ movie came out, they showed the trailer at the church I was attending. Moments into it when they showed a portion of the crucifixion scene, the Spirit of God fell on me HARD.

I began to travail by the Spirit with guttural weeping and groanings from deep within my soul and spirit. Uncontrollably. And not at all quietly. Like all poured out completely weeping. There was even a guest speaker that day, and the church was full. At least 150-200 people. I do remember the guest speaker saying, “Praise God,” to my weeping because he must have recognized the familiar sounds of the travails of the Spirit, but that fellow “weirdo” never returned so.

I’d said to the Lord many times before that I was a living sacrifice unto Him, and I meant it and still do. Well, He poured it on thick that day.

I’m not saying be disruptive, rush the stage, and dance in the Spirit while the pastor is preaching. I mean: Be led by the Spirit who is peace not chaos. And the Spirit weeping through me at the remembrance of the Son of God being crucified so graphically was a time to He wanted to weep and did so through willing and given over to Him me.

I never made many friends at that church by the way. Just one other “creep” they also looked down upon – a mighty woman of God who laid hands on me in her home that God used to fill me with the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues. The first words of my prayer language simply – La. La. La. La. La.

I find the Lord and His ways so wonderfully peculiar, fascinating, and humbling at the same time. And I still don’t have many friends because I’m unwilling to quench the Spirit nor walk away from the narrow path. But that’s, okay, Jesus. You’re worth it.

When the church shuns someone for simply being fully surrendered, not perfect, surrendered, it’s not that they are “too much” or “too radical”. It is that Jesus and the ways of the Spirit are too much and too radical for the shunners. It’s Him they reject or pull away from. Not the surrendered, peculiar ones.

Honestly, I don’t fit so well in most churches because I don’t know how to do this walk without fearlessly giving myself over to the Spirit to have His way through me. For example, the Spirit loves to dance, so He dances through me. I will not stop Him for man’s sake. I don’t care what they think. But many care. They care how it makes their institution appear. “Oh, no! It might scare away the members.” They fear man more than God. That’s on them, but I refuse to allow them to stifle the Spirit in me or the ways of God.

Writing this made me think of that 90s song, Creep, by Radiohead. Parts of it resonate with me and my walk with the Lord. I changed the pronouns of the original song to make it work for this post and adlibbed the rest.

You’re a creep.

You’re a weirdo.

What the hell are you doing here?

You don’t belong here.


You may think I’m a creep.

You may think I’m a weirdo.

What am I doing here?

I belong to Jesus.

[Paraphrased and additional lyrics adlibbed/added by me to the song, Creep, by Radiohead]

Don’t worry if you don’t seem to fit in with the majority of Christians. The Word says, “Narrow is the path that leads to life, and few there be that find it.”

I’m sorry if you’ve suffered from church hurts and were mistreated by those who are called to love you. You’re not alone, You are His, and nothing can separate you from His love. Be sure to forgive them and give the situation over to the Lord. Unforgiveness is not worth it. And it’s disobedience to the Lord. Blessed are you when you are hated for His namesake. He will make a way to bless you for what you went through.

Perhaps it’s not such a bad thing not to fit in with the crowd after all. Jesus didn’t.

Sword Inked Hearts

Holy Spirit, lead me | For accountability to the Lord

Image source: God is real dot today

I highly recommend regular times of refreshing with the Lord, getting off social media, including blogging to seek Him and hear from Him clearly without the influence of others, etc. My recent doing so bore much fruit, the Lord rewarding me almost immediately upon my declaring my intentions to Him.

These past months, the elections have consumed much of my time, thoughts, and prayers. Though, I’m certain it was needed for we stand in the gap for the Lord to bring His will into the earth through our prayers. And, being a believer and not a doubter, I will not stop praying for justice for those who’ve wronged America and President Trump. For our republic to be restored to God’s original intentions for it before He catches us up with Him as well as acting on my faith with calls to actions and networking with believers who also refuse to bow to Baal in America.

But during my seeking Him, I sought Him for balance in what I believe He considers to be my ministries unto Him. I found my my heart ached to write and teach about divine healing, faith, and miracles.

With the Holy Spirit’s help, I pray He leads me each week on how to divide my time amongst the passions He’s etched into my heart and soul. When to write about the state of the church in America, calls to actions, and faith and healing, etc.

I am so passionate about being a defender of the name of the Lord and clearing His namesake from religious doctrines in the church which falsely accuse him of the works of the devil in the earth, deny the power of the Holy Spirit today as well as the atoning blood of Jesus Christ and its power to heal. How? By focusing on and magnifying His truth more than the lies and the traditions of man which make the very Word of God to no effect. Don’t. Even. Get. Me. Started.

For accountability to the Lord

To keep me accountable to the Lord, I’m sharing this here more for Him and me than anyone else.

I purchased two domain names

  1. swordinkedhearts.com
  2. swordinkedbooks.com

…which are based on these verses: “The sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God,” (Ephesians 6:17), and “I will put My laws in their mind and write them on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people,” (Hebrews 9:10).

The first one is the He gave me for my ministry, and the second one for my ebookshop.

I will forward the first one to a category and the second one to an online digital goods and bookstore. I have no idea what any of this is supposed to look like, but I love Jesus like crazy, desire to live for Him, and to fulfill every purpose and plan He as for my life for His glory and to help set captives free in His name.

When He leads, even when I don’t know the entire plan, I like to step out in faith in some way to demonstrate that faith and show Him I’m taking Him seriously, THEN, He often rewards me with the next step, wisdom nugget or gem, etc.

Okay, Lord, You got my attention. I’m all Yours. Whom else is there besides You? What joy is there apart from You?

Help me get out of Your way, so I can be a free flowing conduit of Your love, power, and glory in the earth in Your name and for Your glory for the saving of the lost, the healing of the sick, the casting out of demons, the raising of the dead.

Holy Spirit, Spirit led, Uncategorized

God’s children are called to prophesy, so the lost or those ignorant of the things of the Spirit may know He is among us

But if all prophesy, and an unbeliever or an uninformed person comes in, he is convinced by all, he is convicted by all. And thus the secrets of his heart are revealed; and so, falling down on his face, he will worship God and report that God is truly among you.

1 Corinthians 14:24-25

I am in awe of Your Word and Your ways Lord, my God. There is none like You, Almighty One, who promises those who believe that You’ll give us the right words at the right time. How awesome are Your works and power. How mindful You are of the children You love!

You’re an awesome Father God who partners with surrendered children to say what You’d have them say – powerful, Holy Spirit inspired speech, because it’s “not Your will that any should perish but that all should come to repentance,” (2 Peter 3:9), nor Your will that Your precious sons and daughters be carnally minded. “For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace,” (Romans 8:6).

Your Word is true, tried, and tested, and cannot fail us when we believe. Glory to You, O God!

“For the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say,” (Luke 12:12).

“The Lord God has given Me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him who is weary. He awakens Me morning by morning, He awakens My ear to hear as the learned,” (Isaiah 50:4).

“They were not able to resist the wisdom and the Spirit by which he (Stephen) spoke,” (Acts 6:10).

By Your Spirit, “out of our bellies shall flow rivers of living water to the thirsty,” (John 7:38).